A loss is only anchored with the love it had to begin with
11/19/2011 - Anne Mudd
Iím in the process of obtaining permission to use assorted lyric lines in a work I am bringing to closure. Iíve always had the assurance that I could contact an old beau, and with his help, we would breeze right on through this lengthy process; heís not going to be available though. I spoke to his father today; he remembered I had a part in his sonís life as he gave me the grievous message of his passing.
I was seventeen, going on eighteen, when I fell in love for the first time. He was eighteen, going on nineteenÖa tall, handsome green eyed music man. We had our marriage planned within the first year of our love together. But life had other plans for him and me. Heís been happily married, and Iíve lived a life I chose but he was never more than a thought away from me, and visited oftenÖin my dreams. I wouldnít interfere with his life for any amount of a dream, but we had a history in common and he was an expert in the field.
I feel sad to know I wonít see him again. I never held him as a lover once we were apart, I loved him though, like no other, and I will never, ever see those beautiful green eyes again. We were never married but he always called me his first wife, an endearment I so much enjoyed. I know I have no right to grieve, but I do.
|7 Comments From Other Members
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||Sue Ann Crockett from Ferndale WA wrote:
Of course you grieve, Anne. Anyone who ever cares or loves has a right to grieve. It sounds as though your relationship was much more than simply a first love.. it was enduring. Even though your paths were different, you were attached. You will see him as you have so often.. in your dreams, my friend. Hugs to you..
||Anne Mudd from Wheat Ridge CO wrote:
It's not often that my feelings are validated. Your reply brought me to tears. Thank you, my dear, dear friend.
||Suzanne Caplan from PA wrote:
I am amazed at the parallels in lives that have so randomly connected. I always believed that the first love of my life would be back. We were connected for a number of years in a youth disrupted by the VietNam draft. He came back on Xmas leave with a ring that at 19, I could not take. It was my beloved Aunt Betty who suggested I look for him online and I found his obituary. I cried as if he has been my spouse. I was vulnerable to him and i mourn the loss of my innocence along with his spirit. I can feel what you wrote.
||Joanne Bolivar from West Linn OR wrote:
Unbelievable is my first reaction at the same roads we have walked down. The first loves we had are gone too early but memories and smiles reach our hearts and lips. We can move on with our lives and absolutely love someone else with our whole heart which does not minimize either relationship. When we find someone once loved and now gone we have every right to grieve. Embrace your memories and loss of which you are entitiled.
||Eileen Hopkins from Calgary AB wrote:
Losing someone who was held so close in your heat is a deep loss and grieving is your right. My first love is alive and well and married to someone else now. I know he will always have a piece of my heart even though I am now in a very loving relationship myself. It reminds me of a song that says the first love is the deepest.
||Anne Mudd from Wheat Ridge CO wrote:
So many things in my life have become clear since I claimed this mournful time. Thank you, ladies; I am validated here and I love you all for this.
||Christy Steiger from Crown Point IN wrote:
My first love story is similar to yours, Anne, except that mine is still alive and happily married. I mourn the loss of that relationship off and on throughout the year -- every year -- since it ended 40 years ago. I try to stay philosophical about it, but there's a hole there that never fills up or is forgotten. Thank you for writing so openly -- it gives me a chance to think and reflect. We would all be worse off without having had those first loves, wouldn't we?
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